In my last blog post, I wrote about the woman in front of the stage. About the feeling of returning to a familiar place and still realizing that you are no longer the same person.
Since then, I have realized just how much my perspective has changed.
When I emigrated to Finland, it was a big step outside my comfort zone. Back then, I thought I had taken enough risks for the time being. But then I shared a snippet of my own song and competed in my first BJJ competition.
My first BJJ competition was a completely new experience for me. Of course, I was nervous and had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. Standing on the mat during training is one thing. Proving yourself in a competition for the first time is something else entirely.
My coach stood in my corner during the competition. Especially during my first competition, with all the nervousness and the many thoughts running through my head, it was important to have someone by my side whom I trust. Someone who knows me, believes in me, and can give me confidence again in a moment when I might be overthinking things myself. His support helped me focus on what was in front of me instead of letting my nerves overwhelm me. It means a lot to me to have people by my side who encourage me to take on challenges and make me feel that I don’t have to take that step alone. For that, I am truly grateful.
When I look back on the past few months, I can see that I have taken new steps in very different areas of my life. I have done things that I might once have only looked at from a distance.
And that is exactly what changes the way I see life.
In the past, I stood in front of the stage, enjoyed the music, and dreamed. I wondered what it would be like to stand up there myself. What it would feel like to write my own song, to create something from an idea, and to find a melody that expresses exactly what you want to say.
Today, I have shared a snippet of my own song. In doing so, I have not only shared a piece of my music with others, but also revealed something of myself that previously existed only in my head and in my soul. And perhaps that is part of what happens when you begin to dream not only for yourself, but also to let others share in a part of those dreams.
That also changes the way I look at certain things in my life.
Sometimes, there are moments that stay with us even though they are long gone. Encounters we remember later, and thoughts that stay with us longer than we expected. Over time, we may look at things from a different perspective and discover possibilities we hadn’t seen before.
Perhaps it is a little like a bridge. It connects two sides that would otherwise remain separated. Sometimes, from your own side, you can already see where the path might lead. But crossing a bridge also means leaving familiar ground and opening yourself up to something whose outcome you do not yet know. And sometimes, that step needs to be taken on both sides for everything that has so far remained in the distance to become a real encounter.
Today, I have a better understanding of what I want. And I am willing to do something to make it happen. At the same time, I have realized that not everything can be planned or influenced.
Perhaps that is exactly what makes the difference between who I am now and the woman I was standing in front of the stage back then. I still dream, but I don’t want my dreams to remain just beautiful ideas. I want to give them the chance to become part of my real life.
I don’t know where the next steps will lead me. But I know that I want to take them.
Because I no longer want to be just a spectator in my own life.
I want to be right in the middle of it.
Signs lead you. But sometimes, you have to be willing to take the next step yourself.
Janina
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