Janina Gutsche

If my life really feels like a movie, then my first stripe wasn’t just a piece of tape on my belt.

That’s right! I received my first stripe in BJJ.

What a moment.

This little strip of tape is not just a piece of tape on a belt to me. It means so much more.

It reminds me of everything I’ve already accomplished, especially over the past year.

It was one scene in this story. One that shows how all the small decisions, setbacks, and brave steps eventually become visible.

I am unbelievably proud.

When I look back a year, at the Janina standing on the dike in Bremerhaven, looking out over the water and searching for something tangible that her intuition had been trying to tell her for so long, she probably never imagined that one day she would carry this feeling inside her and struggle to put this pride into words.

About a year ago, everything was in its final stages of preparation to finally make real what had become so clear during my very first visit to Helsinki in 2018.

To find my way home.

Home isn’t always where you were born, where your parents raised you, or where you grew up. Home is where your soul wants to be, where it can truly unfold, and where, deep inside, you feel: This is where I belong. This is where I’m meant to be.

Home is the place where breathing becomes easy again. Where everything feels a little lighter.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t any challenges or that everything is easy. It simply means that the weight of facing those challenges isn’t there anymore. Instead, another feeling slowly takes over.

Okay. Challenge accepted.

A certain lightness.

After years of doubt, fear, and constantly living inside my own head, there was no longer any chance of ignoring my heart’s calling.

Moving abroad was the plan.

If someone asked me today, “Do you regret it?”

Would you do it again?

My answer would be yes, every single time.

Of course I was scared! What if it doesn’t work out? You give up everything that feels secure. Your stable job, your friends, your family, your home, your car.

But what can I say?

A secure job means nothing if you’re not happy. It only works if you’re in the right place.

Friends and family will understand and support you. And if someone leaves your life because of your decision, then maybe they were never meant to stay.

You can always find another place to live. And maybe the next one will be even better than the last.

A car is just an object. There will always be a way to get from A to B.

Even now, I have no reason to turn back.

There’s only one direction: forward. It isn’t always easy, but I keep walking. Step by step.

And yes, the question came up. Should I go back?

Now that the topic of work is on my mind again.

Going back would be easier. But would it be the right decision?

No!

Because in the end, I would be right back where I started.

I wouldn’t be happy.

So I choose the harder path.

I accept this challenge and see it as an opportunity to grow. To finally build a life that is truly mine and that makes me happy.

And then there was another challenge.

Three and a half weeks ago, I quit smoking.

Looking back on that fills me with just as much pride. Not only because I did it, but because it reminded me how much strength I actually have. When I truly set my mind to something, I’m capable of things I never thought were possible.

Because I truly believe there’s something to the saying, “The journey is the destination.”

What if it’s never been about one big achievement?

What if it’s about the journey to get there?

It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. Because what seems more logical, better, or more important to others doesn’t have to be right for me.

Because this is my life.

And this is my path.

And whether it’s really the harder path in the end…

Who knows.

But I know one thing.

For me, it’s the right one.

On to the next stripe.